Extra $13 to be stimulating indeed

As a former VP candidate would say, “You betcha.”

My calculator doesn’t do hundreds of billions, but if my math is correct, my share of the stimulus ($789 billion divided by 150 million taxpayers — my guesstimate) would be almost $5,260.

My share of the debt for the stimulus will also be almost $5,260. That money is all borrowed, you know.

At $13 a week, I could pay the principal off in 405 weeks, assuming I have a job and a salary on which to pay $13 less in withholding taxes every week.

This is all over my head. Like you, I just have to trust that Congress has — as it usually does — done the financially responsible thing. (I made a D in the last economics class I ever had, so I do not comprehend how borrowing $789 billion to give me $13 a week can solve this financial crisis, but I figure Congress knows what it’s doing.) My job is to spend that windfall so the economy will crank up and BJC Medical Center can re-hire some folks.

Trouble is there’s not much you can buy at BJC for $13 — at least not with my co-pays. If we had the time, we could use the stimulus money to buy two or three packs of cigarettes a week, which would eventually bring us to a hospital. Really, though, we’re looking for a faster effect.

You could buy two sheets of 7/16ths J.M. Huber oriented strand board every week and help get those folks back to work. That would also generate 87 cents of sales tax revenue, including about 36 cents that would stay in Jackson County to help pay off school bonds, among other things.

You could use your extra $13 to have a meal at Vaughn’s Wing Slingers, Little Italy Pizzeria, Stonewall’s BBQ or (starting Monday) the Common Road Bakery downtown. If everybody in Commerce bought an extra meal downtown every week, the restaurant owners would smile.

Sanders Furniture can sell you any number of pieces of furniture on a payment plan for $13 a week. Jay’s Department Store is having a sale, so $13 will buy more than you think. Maybe The Commerce News will mark down subscriptions to $13 per year, or you could buy an extra 500-750 kilowatts of electricity every month from the city.

I feel sure all that extra money will turn things around. After all, Congress has never let us down before.

Mark Beardsley is editor of The Commerce News. He lives in Commerce.