Ann Landers and her sister, Abby, are advice icons. They established themselves as central fixtures in newspaper columns around the country. I always looked forward to their honest opinions, ideas and comments when reading the paper. Their answers were never simple or sugar-coated. Because people asked, they answered.
Well, I’m going to role-play with fellow (occasional) columnist Hasco Craver and be his Dear Abby. He alerted the Commerce community last week about his difficulty in deciding when to have kids. The short answer: there never is a “right time” if you are waiting for everything to fall into place. So here goes my attempt of being “Dear Abby.”
Dear Deciding When to Have Children:
Your letter was very interesting. I am puzzled that you would want the advice of others to tell you when the right time is to have children and yet you haven’t even discussed this with the person who is going to scream profanity at you during labor.
Having children is the most wonderful life-changing experience. Each stage of their life brings joy and challenges. Being a parent is the most difficult job you will ever have. However, the rewards are endless. You will be rewarded with precious baby burps, prizes in the diaper, drooling kisses, and the biggest hugs ever.
Being a parent will provide you with an excuse to play Twister and Hi Ho Cherry-O; you can relive your childhood by teaching them to ride a bicycle; you will enjoy watching their eyes sparkle when they see a giraffe and elephant for the first time. But also, your sleep patterns will change, your posture will fade and your hairs will turn gray and it will all be worth it!
There will be disappointments in the world of parenting. You and your spouse will not always agree on discipline, manners, techniques, and what is the appropriate age to take the kids to Disney World. However, you are in this together and your children will see the love you share for each other even when you don’t always agree.
As my favorite author Ferrol Sams would say, your kids “will come from good stock.” Don’t spend too much time thinking about the right time. Recognizing you still want to spend one-on-one time with your wife is great. You will still get that time once children are born, it just happens less frequently.
Don’t worry about waiting until you are financially secure. You will learn to be happy with what you have while working for what you want. Babies don’t need a lot of stuff - they need love, food, shelter, hugs and kisses. They don’t care about the name brand diapers or having designer bedding for the crib that they will outgrow in two to three years.
Let me let you in on a little secret. You will know when you are ready. It’s sort of like knowing you want to marry someone. The time will come when you want to fill your days with the responsibility of being parent In the meantime, have fun with the trying-to-get-pregnant part.
Tricia Massey is a stay-at-home mom, a marketing consultant, a member of the Downtown Development Authority and chairs the Commerce Public Library’s capital fund drive. She lives in Commerce.
