America needs Bill Clinton back in the White House

a) unprecedented growth in the economy over his presidency

b) the reduction in the crime rate

c) a balanced budget for the first time in most Americans’ lives and the opportunity to reduce the national debt

d) stand-alone status as the only super power left in the world

e) the capacity to rebound from scandals and disasters that would destroy a lesser man

f) a virtual end to inflation

g) a knack for diverting Americans’ attention from depressing events by focusing them on the president’s libido

h) Hillary moved to New York

i) the incredible entertainment value

Returning Clinton as president should satisfy both major political parties. The Democrats would be thrilled to hold on to the White House, and the Republicans should be just as happy, since all of their major goals were accomplished under his leadership. Balance the budget? Done. Reduce crime? Done. Hillary out? Done. In addition, they’d get rid of that black guy they hate so much.

But mostly, America should remember Clinton’s 1992 campaign theme — it’s the economy, stupid — and demand that Mr. Clinton provide at least four more years of the kind of leadership this country enjoyed during his presidency.

You know that things were going good when the most exciting event Congress could come up with is to impeach a president for lying about his sex life. During any other administration, we’d have worried over the mounting national debt, the growing crime rate or threats from abroad, but back then things were so calm that the whole country had nothing better to worry about than the president’s definition of sex.

We never had it so good.

I think a Gallup poll would validate my position. It would show a country anxious to return to the leadership of Bill Clinton. Everybody liked him. Some of the citizens like him for his leadership in the areas of the economy, balanced budget and law and order. Others liked him because they could identify with the way he kept screwing up or because his screw-ups made them look better in comparison.

Come back, Bill. America needs you.