The local primaries are (almost) over. It’s like a root canal, but the pain lasts longer and is located in another part of the anatomy. It’s nice when it’s gone.
But at least most of our elections were resolved with the primary, so we can turn our focus to the presidential campaign, the highlight of which will be watching the Democrats and Republicans at convention.
I’m being sarcastic, of course.
It is impossible to watch a political convention and feel good about the convening party. While the 2008 primary season lasted longer than usual, the result is the same: we know who the nominees will be. So do the delegates, who as a result have nothing to do at their conventions but party.
Partying is best done in private, but the political conventions consume massive amounts of air time, much of it dedicated to showing people in goofy clothing parading under the influence (at least I hope they’re intoxicated — surely sober people don’t act like that) of alcohol that flows like rainwater during a hurricane. Most of it is supplied by people who hope to have some influence if their guy wins.
Democrats? They’ll look like a bunch of drunks. Republicans? Same thing, but with ties. From this irrelevant silliness we are to draw confidence in the country’s future.
It’s challenging to watch the carefully scripted “spontaneous” celebrations and bouts of applause that interrupt every speech at every comma without wondering what’s on sale on the Home Shopping Network. It’s impossible to listen to the rhetoric and foresee members of Congress working across party lines to fix the economy, end the war in Iraq, or create a national health care plan.
I can remember as a teenager watching both the Democratic and Republican conventions — which seemed more important as America debated the Vietnam Conflict. My guess is few people, young or old, will watch much of the conventions this year. People will tune in for the keynote and acceptance speeches by Senators McCain and Obama, but only really lonely people and crazy party partisans will pick convention coverage over “King of the Hill” or “The 50 Greatest Plays in Rugby.”
There will be much talk from the conventions of party “platforms,” which are constructed to offer something to every possible element of each party and which are ignored by Democrats and Republicans alike upon election — for good reason. They are relevant only in that they give the politicians of opposing parties something to attack and the zillions of reporters, pundits and bloggers something to froth over.
The Democrats will trash Denver Aug. 25-28, while the Republicans will lay waste to Minneapolis-St. Paul Sept. 1-4. We’ll have a couple of months to get those images out of our minds and to figure out who will get our vote before November.
Why don’t we just forgoe the conventions and get right to the election? Voters would think better of both political parties if the parties didn’t party for four days apiece, confirming our fears about the people who want to run the government.
