By Susan Harper
Get a group of women over 55 together and sooner or later you’ll hear some of them laughing about the way they stand in front of the mirror and pull their facial skin back toward their ears, to see if they’re still in there somewhere. That will be quickly followed by a speculative discussion of “Lifestyle Lifts”: whether those supposedly quick-and-easy facelifts are as good as they look in the TV ads, and how long we might have to go into hiding after we had one, to keep from scaring the locals.
It’s my experience, as a woman, that by the time you get to 69 or so, this behavior either escalates or subsides. Either a woman recognizes that she should be overjoyed when someone says, “You look terrific for 69!” or she stops breathing for several seconds when she hears such a statement, her brain shifts gears, and she starts thinking things like ‘I’ll never eat again,’ or ‘Sixty-nine isn’t that old, is it?’ or ‘Where is that place where they do the quickie face lifts?’ The only other possibility is that her hearing is gone. Alas, I seem to be in the stop-breathing category.