OPINION: The shorter version

CommerceNewsTODAY

RSS Feed

Email Alerts

Facebook

OPINION: The shorter version

Posted by

Mark Beardsley

in Opinions

Friday, February 22. 2013

Comments (13)

By Mark Beardsley

I watched 10 minutes of the State of the Union address, and that was eight too many. Were I President Obama’s speechwriter, here’s what you’d have heard.

“Good evening: I realize most of you (pointing to his audience in the Capitol) would rather be somewhere else and most Americans watching this on TV are _issed off at me for pre-empting their regular shows, so I’ll keep this short.

(Standing ovation)

“Good news, fellow Americans. The economy is improving, but not fast enough. The bad news is that it’s your fault. Things won’t get better until you start buying stuff, so get off your _ss right now and go buy a new American-made car or at least the new Blackberry. Use that credit card, what do you think it’s for? We’ve pumped money into the economy – now it’s your turn. Buy something.

“And you (pointing to Congress), make up your mind. Do we slash the budget and kill the recovery to resolve the deficit, or do we increase spending to improve the economy? That $2.5 trillion we’ve already cut isn’t exactly stimulus, you know. What’ll it be?

(A noticeable lack of applause)

“Now is our best chance for bipartisan, comprehensive tax reform that encourages job creation and helps bring down the deficit, but that’s not going to happen because we’re all owned by large corporate and other special interests, we’re in the upper one percent and have no real clue how the middle class, let alone, the poor live and could care less. Besides, you keep electing us, so you must like the status quo.

(Camera pans to nodding heads)

“Folks, too many people are dying from gun violence. A majority of Americans favor banning the sale of assault-type weapons, even though someone with a pistol and several magazines could do just as much damage in any crowded place, and even though we know Congress will never pass such a bill. If you really want to ban assault-type weapons, you’re going to have to elect some new representatives and senators. If that’s what you want, vote Democratic in two years.

(Silence)

“Let’s talk about the war on terror: we’re winning. I personally ordered a hit on Osama bin Laden, and I’ve sent the drones after al Qaeda. Screw the constitution, if there’s an American with a terrorist group, he’ll soon be toast. I ain’t putting up with that &*%$.

“We’re out of Iraq, and we’re winding down in Afghanistan. We shoulda done that five years ago, but I wasn’t president then.”

“That’s it. Good night. Now go out and buy something big and expensive.”

(Standing ovation as politicians bolt for the exits.)

Here’s how Senator Marco Rubio could have presented the Republican response:

(Silence, punctuated with a middle-finger salute to the commander in chief.)

Mark Beardsley is the editor of The Commerce News. He lives in Commerce.

Trackbacks

Trackback specific URI for this entry

No Trackbacks

Comments

Display comments as (Linear | Threaded)

#1 sovrncitzn on 02/24/13 at 12:36 PM [Reply]

“Let’s talk about the war on terror: we’re winning. I personally ordered a hit on Osama bin Laden, and I’ve sent the drones after al Qaeda. Screw the constitution, if there’s an American with a terrorist group, he’ll soon be toast. I ain’t putting up with that &*%$. SCREW the Constitution? No screw you. See the constitution is what governs the government. These people are dangerous They are not liberals they are authoritarians. They would love to use the military and drones on the civilian population to disarm us. What do you think these psychopaths are going to do once we are disarmed? You think it is OK for the president to assassinate anyone without due process, just because they say the person was a "terrorist"? These drone strikes have to stop we are creating enemies faster than we can kill them. And now they are going to turn the drones loose on us. Mr.Beardsley likes to use children when talking about the need to ban "assault" weapons here is a list of children murdered by the Obama administration with drones. Mr. Beardsley did you ever shed a tear for any of these children. You will not disarm us punk. PAKISTAN:
Noor Aziz | 8 | male
Abdul Wasit | 17 | male
Noor Syed | 8 | male
Wajid Noor | 9 | male
Syed Wali Shah | 7 | male
Ayeesha | 3 | female
Qari Alamzeb | 14| male
Shoaib | 8 | male
Hayatullah KhaMohammad | 16 | male
Tariq Aziz | 16 | male
Sanaullah Jan | 17 | male
Maezol Khan | 8 | female
Nasir Khan | male
Naeem Khan | male
Naeemullah | male
Mohammad Tahir | 16 | male
Azizul Wahab | 15 | male
Fazal Wahab | 16 | male
Ziauddin | 16 | male
Mohammad Yunus | 16 | male
Fazal Hakim | 19 | male
Ilyas | 13 | male
Sohail | 7 | male
Asadullah | 9 | male
khalilullah | 9 | male
Noor Mohammad | 8 | male
Khalid | 12 | male
Saifullah | 9 | male
Mashooq Jan | 15 | male
Nawab | 17 | male
Sultanat Khan | 16 | male
Ziaur Rahman | 13 | male
Noor Mohammad | 15 | male
Mohammad Yaas Khan | 16 | male
Qari Alamzeb | 14 | male
Ziaur Rahman | 17 | male
Abdullah | 18 | male
Ikramullah Zada | 17 | male
Inayatur Rehman | 16 | male
Shahbuddin | 15 | male
Yahya Khan | 16 |male
Rahatullah |17 | male
Mohammad Salim | 11 | male
Shahjehan | 15 | male
Gul Sher Khan | 15 | male
Bakht Muneer | 14 | male
Numair | 14 | male
Mashooq Khan | 16 | male
Ihsanullah | 16 | male
Luqman | 12 | male
Jannatullah | 13 | male
Ismail | 12 | male
Taseel Khan | 18 | male
Zaheeruddin | 16 | male
Qari Ishaq | 19 | male
Jamshed Khan | 14 | male
Alam Nabi | 11 | male
Qari Abdul Karim | 19 | male
Rahmatullah | 14 | male
Abdus Samad | 17 | male
Siraj | 16 | male
Saeedullah | 17 | male
Abdul Waris | 16 | male
Darvesh | 13 | male
Ameer Said | 15 | male
Shaukat | 14 | male
Inayatur Rahman | 17 | male
Salman | 12 | male
Fazal Wahab | 18 | male
Baacha Rahman | 13 | male
Wali-ur-Rahman | 17 | male
Iftikhar | 17 | male
Inayatullah | 15 | male
Mashooq Khan | 16 | male
Ihsanullah | 16 | male
Luqman | 12 | male
Jannatullah | 13 | male
Ismail | 12 | male
Abdul Waris | 16 | male
Darvesh | 13 | male
Ameer Said | 15 | male
Shaukat | 14 | male
Inayatur Rahman | 17 | male
Adnan | 16 | male
Najibullah | 13 | male
Naeemullah | 17 | male
Hizbullah | 10 | male
Kitab Gul | 12 | male
Wilayat Khan | 11 | male
Zabihullah | 16 | male
Shehzad Gul | 11 | male
Shabir | 15 | male
Qari Sharifullah | 17 | male
Shafiullah | 16 | male
Nimatullah | 14 | male
Shakirullah | 16 | male
Talha | 8 | male
YEMEN
Afrah Ali Mohammed Nasser | 9 | female
Zayda Ali Mohammed Nasser | 7 | female
Hoda Ali Mohammed Nasser | 5 | female
Sheikha Ali Mohammed Nasser | 4 | female
Ibrahim Abdullah Mokbel Salem Louqye | 13 | male
Asmaa Abdullah Mokbel Salem Louqye | 9 | male
Salma Abdullah Mokbel Salem Louqye | 4 | female
Fatima Abdullah Mokbel Salem Louqye | 3 | female
Khadije Ali Mokbel Louqye | 1 | female
Hanaa Ali Mokbel Louqye | 6 | female
Mohammed Ali Mokbel Salem Louqye | 4 | male
Jawass Mokbel Salem Louqye | 15 | female
Maryam Hussein Abdullah Awad | 2 | female
Shafiq Hussein Abdullah Awad | 1 | female
Sheikha Nasser Mahdi Ahmad Bouh | 3 | female
Maha Mohammed Saleh Mohammed | 12 | male
Soumaya Mohammed Saleh Mohammed | 9 | female
Shafika Mohammed Saleh Mohammed | 4 | female
Shafiq Mohammed Saleh Mohammed | 2 | male
Mabrook Mouqbal Al Qadari | 13 | male
Daolah Nasser 10 years | 10 | female
AbedalGhani Mohammed Mabkhout | 12 | male
Abdel- Rahman Anwar al Awlaki | 16 | male
Abdel-Rahman al-Awlaki | 17 | male
Nasser Salim | 19
This is just Pakistan and Yemen. This doesn't count all the children murdered from the "fast and furious" operation, that is were our government armed the cartels in Mexico. This list doesn't include Egypt,Libya, Syria or any other country the Nobel Peace Prize winner has bombed or supplied weapons to Al-Qaeda. How many Mercenary's stayed behind in Iraq? How many will stay behind in Afghanistan? We have to keep that heroin flowing to the streets of America so the police can fight the war on drugs.

#2 sovrncitzn on 02/24/13 at 02:05 PM [Reply]

The National Rifle Association has obtained a Department of Justice memo calling for national gun registration and confiscation. The nine page “cursory summary” on current gun control initiatives was not officially released by the Obama administration.
The DOJ memo states the administration “believes that a gun ban will not work without mandatory gun confiscation” and thinks universal background checks “won’t work without requiring national gun registration.” Obama has yet to publicly support national registration or firearms confiscation, although the memo reveals his administration is moving in that direction.
The memo stands in stark contrast to the administration’s public stance on so-called gun control. White House spokesman Jay Carney said last month that laws proposed by Obama would not “take away a gun from a single law-abiding American.”
The NRA declined to explain how it obtained the document. The memo was written by the acting director of the Justice Department’s National Institute of Justice, Greg Ridgeway. It is dated January 4, two weeks before Obama mounted his attack on the Second Amendment following the Sandy Hook massacre. Ridgeway came to the Justice Department from the RAND corporation.
The memo says universal background checks on firearms purchases may help the government push to control and eventually outlaw firearms, but it would lead to an increase in illegally purchased guns.
It pointed out that banning high capacity ammunition clips would be ineffective due to the fact there is a large number of them already in circulation.
A Justice Department official said the memo is an unfinished review of gun violence research and does not represent administration policy.

#2.1 Idiocy on 02/27/13 at 08:17 AM [Reply]

Nice nickname. http://forums.officer.com/t156913/

#2.1.1 sovrncitzn on 02/28/13 at 02:53 PM [Reply]

And your point is?

#2.1.2 sovrncitzn on 03/01/13 at 09:27 AM [Reply]

Oh no I better change my screen name call the SPLC and ADL. Now did you send me to the cop forum thinking that would scare me. LOL

#2.1.2.1 anon on 03/02/13 at 05:42 AM [Reply]

No, but you should wake up and realize that everyone who has tried the "sovereign citizen" route has ended up in jail.

You don't like it here? Leave.

#3 sovrncitzn on 03/01/13 at 09:32 AM [Reply]

What screen name should I use? I will get with the SPLC, ADL and FBI and see if we can get a new name. LOL

#3.1 Idiocy on 03/06/13 at 04:28 PM [Reply]

The SPLC is the Southern Poverty Law Center, that tracks the activities of hate groups like white supremacists and neo-Nazis. Is this who you're talking about?

#4 sovrncitzn on 03/06/13 at 05:55 AM [Reply]

I will keep it and take my chances.

#4.1 Idiocy on 03/06/13 at 08:13 AM [Reply]

Do you squat in empty houses and try to steal them? I think that's the most common public conception of "sovereign citizen." Or do you just refuse to say the pledge of allegiance or acknowledge the country's flag? Or are you the type of "sovereign citizen" who just spreads lies on local newspaper forums?

#4.1.1 Joe Christmas on 03/06/13 at 03:21 PM [Reply]

The most notorious sovereign citizen would be Terry Nichols who helped Timothy McVey draw up plans to blow up the Federal building in Oklahoma City. However, he tried to pretend that he didn't think McVey would go through with it and managed to get a life sentence. Most sovereign citizens are not that dangerous and like to play on the internet and cut and paste all kinds of junk that somebody else wrote for them.

#4.1.1.1 anon on 03/09/13 at 05:32 AM [Reply]

"Most sovereign citizens are not that dangerous and like to play on the internet and cut and paste all kinds of junk that somebody else wrote for them."

That literally made me laugh out loud.

Thanks. Mr. Christmas!

#5 sovrncitzn on 03/08/13 at 04:52 PM [Reply]

Anyone who doesn't bend over and take it from the government is a hate group no matter what your color or sex. I own my own home, I don't pledge allegiance to anyone or thing. To pledge allegiance is to blindly follow. What lies have I spread?

Add Comment

Name
Email
Homepage
In reply to
Comment: E-Mail addresses will not be displayed and will only be used for E-Mail notifications.

To prevent automated Bots from commentspamming, please enter the string you see in the image below in the appropriate input box. Your comment will only be submitted if the strings match. Please ensure that your browser supports and accepts cookies, or your comment cannot be verified correctly.

Enter the string from the spam-prevention image above:
Phone*

What is nine minus five?
: Remember Information? Subscribe to this entry
: Submitted comments will be subject to moderation before being displayed.

Community

Commerce Community

OPINION: The shorter version

CommerceNewsTODAY

OPINION: The shorter version

Recent Stories

Recent Comments

Sister Sites

Archives

Community

Keyword Tags